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Monday, September 19, 2005

Everybody Loves Jon Klane

Today is Monday, the day to get done all those things I should have done gotten done over the weekend:

1. I have to write a series of synopses of American films that could be remade, for cheap, in Russia.

2. I have to finish a proofreading pass and minor tweaking of "Fortune and The Devil".

But hold on a minute...

Do I HAVE to do these things? Or do I GET to do them?

Have to.

"Everybody Loves Raymond" did very well at the Emmys, didn't it. I like this a lot. A lot.

The reason I like it a lot is because I think it might help me get just that much closer to my dreams of wealth, fame, and power over my fellow man. My manager, Jon Klane, is the producer of Ray Romano's new feature film "Grilled", which New Line will release next year. I saw a screening of it last month. It's a 70's style buddy comedy with very good performances - particularly from Ray, who could be a fine full-time dramatic actor if he wanted.

I encourage everyone on the planet, and elsewhere, to go see "Grilled", for as my manager grows in power and influence, gaining ever greater strength to crush his enemies, I too shall rise with him. And I shall wreak a terrible vengeance on all those in my past who did not give me what I wanted. They shall pay and they shall beg me for mercy. And will I give it? Will I give the mercy? Who knows? It remains to be seen. I am not an unjust god, but when I do not get what I think I want, then, lo, beware ye peoples of Sodom!

In the meantime, I shall lurk deep beneath the surface of the earth - like Sauron, or some other bad guy nursing his resentment - gathering my dark and unwholesome powers, plotting the fall of my adversaries, and, yea, even this very day, shall I write up this set of Russian remakes and, yea, shall I finish the proofreading of the stirring adventure tale "Fortune and the Devil", and truly shall I then set my mighty hand to the commencement of my new awesome and awe-inspiring new motion picture screenplay - which is a romantic comedy set in a pet store.

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