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Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Tuna Quiz For Terrorist Cat Work

The cat won't eat anything other than tuna.

Tuna is bad for him. Or eating it exclusively, as is his wont = bad for him.

But he cares not for our parental concern. He just wants his damned tuna. We did just give him some feline Greenies (TM). He chows those down no probs, but anything else is cat-anathema. He must have tuna. Lots of tuna. Heaps of tuna.

If he does not get tuna, he tries to murder us in our sleep.

Whenever we try any kind of regular store-bought cat food, he just yacks it up.

He does it out of spite, I think.

Our moving date - our day of moving to a new continent - is nigh approaching. I wanted to travel on September 11, but I think that made my wife nervous. After negotiations, it was decided we'd leave a few days to one side of that happy, happy day. I say "happy" because Sept. 11 is - as the entire blogosphere knows - Attack Cat's birthday.


In what year did 9/11 take place?

- Score yourself one point if you gave the correct year of the disasters that took place in New York and Washington D.C. on September 11.

- Score yourself another point if your immediate reaction was: "What are you talking about? 9/11 takes place every year, you big idiot!"

The sad and wretched and horrifying and unnerving truth seems to be that only a few people score one point on the quiz. Almost no one scores two.

If I have proof that our cat is trying to frighten us on a regular basis so that we will submit to his desires, can I then fill out an application for him to be added to the government's list of international terrorists?

I have lived in Los Angeles for 20 years. I'm going to miss it.

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Unless you can find someone like the dog whisperer but only a cat whisperer, I think you should probably turn your cat into the government. What kind of cat would try to kill you in your sleep unless he was a feline fascist? Sounds too dangerous to screw around with.

- By Blogger djn, at Thu Aug 17, 07:23:00 PM GMT+1  

You must send in the U.N. at once!

- By Blogger Neal Romanek, at Fri Aug 18, 09:47:00 PM GMT+1  

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