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Friday, October 13, 2006

Words Of Advice For Young People

Neal J. Romanek's Words of Advice

for Those Planning On Dying Before Age 21

- buy a watch, but look at it only when absolutely necessary. A pocket watch is an admirable choice. It will be less distracting to you, but more interesting to your fellows. If you can find a watch that employs a 24 hour clock, instead of a 12 hour clock, that would be better.

- when someone offers you advice, listen politely for a maximum of five minutes (consult your watch). Once the five minutes have elapsed, firmly but gently stop them and ask "So are we done here?" If they agree that you are, thank them sincerely and move on. If they have more to say, give them only another 60 seconds. At the end of 60 seconds, you must leave the conversation at once. Lingering will only encourage them, and the more license they get, the more likely they will go on to bother others, and cause grievous harm with their meddlings.

- Obey your whims. Beware of the trap many fall into – obeying only the first whim and ignoring the rest. Be prepared to obey several possibly contradictory whims in rapid succession. This can be exhausting at first, but it pays dividends.

- When others fear for your safety, don't take it personally. They are reacting to shadows and fantasy. Burning their house down will help to refocus their attention.

- Now a word about sex: go at sex with all the enthusiasm you would have for model rocketry or fashion magazines, with all the gusto you would muster for the Red Sox or for rock stars. Learn the stats, the parts, the facts and figures, the best playing fields, the words to every song, and what the spring colors are. Remember, sex with yourself is a calling from the Divine, and not to be resisted. Sex with others will steepen your learning curve.

- Now a word about intoxicants: it can be very difficult, even for seasoned professionals, to distinguish between what you want and what you need. If you do not already know the difference, it is possible that you will not learn it in this lifetime. Intoxicants are also a poor substitute for dancing. On the other hand, intoxicants can give dancing an exciting spin.

- Now a word about music: rock and roll is not your only choice. Again, obey your whims.

- When someone tries to save your soul, remember that it is in fact his soul that he is trying to save. Such individuals should be treated as drowning men – pathetic but dangerous. Say to them: "I am sorry. I cannot help you." and swim clear. They are best left to the help of professionals.

- Finally, if you are unsuccessful at dying before the age of 21, do not despair. The situation is not unworkable. Many others have suffered the same indignity. Do not, as so many are tempted to do, move the date of your death back by a year or five or ten. Your unprocessed grief will only compound over the passing years, and in that time you are bound to cause substantial damage to those around you. Consider it your mission in life to find others who have similarly failed. With careful consultation amongst each other, and keeping an open mind, you will find many opportunities for victory.


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are you lsssoooing youre tine-ee bllitishh mindt offre dere int ink-lint?

- By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri Oct 13, 08:13:00 PM GMT+1  

Have you ever tried just hitting the "NEXT BLOG" button over and over again for hours and hours and hours?

Dunno WTF is up with all this non-Ink-lish speaking shiss, but the photos are fine.

- By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri Oct 13, 08:18:00 PM GMT+1  

I love the Next Blog button. It promises so much, and it delivers ... absolutely nothing.

A bit like The Rabbit + Crow Blog, non?

- By Blogger Neal Romanek, at Sat Oct 14, 01:10:00 PM GMT+1  

Here's a fine song lyric found on a random "Next Blog":

Ensam I Natten

Jag ligger i min säng, ensam och övergiven.
Jag önskar du var här, och inte så långt bort.
Jag undrar var du är, och om du tänker på mig nu.
Lika mycket som jag tänker på dig.
Mm, jag ber dig snälla kom tillbaks,
för jag pallar inte det här,
utan dig är inte livet värt att leva.

För jag ligger, ensam i natten,
och jag tittar upp mot stjärnorna,
och undrar var du är och vad du gör nu.
Ja, jag ligger, ensam i natten,
och tänker på dig återigen,
och på det vi hade men som flög iväg.
Ensam i natten.

Jag kan inte fatta att jag känner såhär ännu,
var gång jag tänker på dig, börjar kinderna hetta.
Trots att du har nån annan som håller dig tätt intill,
och som värmer dig när vinden blåser kallt
Jag saknar dig så mycket att det gör ont
Jag kommer inte glömma dig,
Du kommer alltid existera här.




Lyrics: Kim H
Music: Kim H


- By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tue Oct 17, 09:00:00 PM GMT+1  

Here's another fine NEXT BLOG:

About Me


View my complete profile

Blog Archive

* ▼ 2006 (14)
o ▼ أكتوبر (14)
+ جائزة إبن رشد للكاتبة فاطمة أحمد إبراهيم
+ عدد سكان أمريكا يبلغ 300 مليون نسمة
+ أنا أسرق أغنياتكم الجميلة
+ الفائزون بنوبل للسلام للـ15 سنة الأخيرة
+ القَصِيدَةُ الجَّبَلِيَّةْ .... كمال الجزولي
+ توقيع السلام بين الخرطوم وجبهة الشرق
+ نوبل للسلام 2006 لـ محمد يونس وبنك غرامين
+ الروائي التركي أورهان يفوز بنوبل للآداب
+ عَرَدَاية في مخيِّلتي ــ (.)
+ جئنا نبايعك أيتها المسجية على الضفاف ـــ طار...
+ الكوميديا الإلهية رائعة الشاعر دانتي
+ ميدالية جائزة نوبل
+ نجيب محفوظ .. الجزء الأول
+ أنا أسرق الجمال


* Google News

- By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tue Oct 17, 09:05:00 PM GMT+1  

And this, I feel is very good as well. Taken from the blog of a well educated new mommy who is stuck at home all day with her new babies. Perhaps you can print this out and show it to Janet!


Nap time is a quiet time for me to calm down. I wish I had the energy and motivation to do chores today, because we have so much laundry! All I really want to do is write, have a snack and relax. I will probably go snuggle with S for a little while. That is nice too. My babies are my life and I am not sure that is a very good thing, when I am feeling so lost. I need to find a new Me. The Me with kids. I am pretty much Mommy 100% of the time. Hubby wishes that I could just turn off the Mommy and become more whore-y when the girls go to bed, but I can't. It sure makes it hard to be his wife. I wish I had some sort of outlet. Maybe blogging will help.

- By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tue Oct 17, 10:01:00 PM GMT+1  

I really hope the world does not end with an awful Liebowitzian BANG, because these documents must be preserved for future ages.

Then people will finally see clearly that History is not the movement of great leaders and peoples, the light brought by leaps forward in technology, the changes in societies.

No, History is about the same dopey people doing the same dopey things, century after dopey century after dopey century.

- By Blogger Neal Romanek, at Thu Oct 19, 03:01:00 PM GMT+1  

I admit to adding the word "whore-y" into the Mommy story but THAT IS ALL.

- By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thu Oct 19, 03:13:00 PM GMT+1  

What word did she originally use?

Was it "wanton"? It wasn't "wanton", was it?

- By Blogger Neal Romanek, at Fri Oct 20, 10:55:00 AM GMT+1  

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