Plan For Iran

It's important to plan ahead. You don't want to be caught off guard when the moment comes, with nowhere to go, nothing to do, nobody to hang out with. So, to help you prepare, we ask:

When the attack on Iran begins this spring, what will you do?

1. order pizza and watch the events unfold on tv as part of CNN's thrilling "DISARMING IRAN" show
2. monitor the situation carefully on the Internet using sources like Information Clearing House, The Guardian UK, and Democracy Now
3. start rioting
4. shun rioting, and instead adopt a more thorough regime-change strategy as outlined by Thomas Jefferson
5. weep for the state of perpetual suffering forever at the heart of the human condition
6. write a letter to your senator and congressman/woman explaining your feelings about the expanded offensive in the Middle East and how you would like them to make your feelings known to their colleagues on Capitol Hill
7. break into the apartment next door and viciously beat the occupants since it is possible their dog is the one that has been shitting in your yard (if they don't have dog, this will at least deter them from trying to acquire one)
8. pray for the safety of American soldiers and Iranian civilians
9. pray for forgiveness for taking the Lord's name in vain so often, lest The Rapture be imminent
10. smoke a cigar to congratulate yourself on a job well done