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Friday, November 30, 2007

Top 10 Writers To Detain In A National Emergency

There are enemies out there. Many enemies. So many enemies.

But the most dangerous enemy is the enemy within. The Homegrown Enemy.

You know, most things that are made in the home are dangerous. Homegrown vegetables - dangerous. Homemade toys - dangerous. Homespun wisdom - very dangerous.

When the next American National Emergency comes - and it will come - we will have to act fast and act good. The first thing must be an "appeal for calm". And an "appeal for utter silence" is even better. Because if you're about to drive a bus off the road and over a cliff, the last thing you want is a bunch of back-seat drivers yelling for you to stop and ruining your concentration.

So when the Time of National Crisis & Sacrifice comes, I strongly suggest we neutralize the 10 journalists on the list below.

In peacetime we have indulged their extremist and radical views, but as we all learned when we studied the Bill Of Rights in school, extremist and radical views have no place in a society that lost 3880 innocent lives on September The Eleventh or whatever. 

(click a link to learn more about each scallywag)
  1. Juan Cole 
  2. Amy Goodman
  3. Seymour Hersh
  4. Dahr Jamail
  5. Naomi Klein
  6. Paul Krugman
  7. Scott Ritter
  8. Jeremy Scahill
  9. Gore Vidal
  10. Naomi Wolf
These writers are wiley - cunning - and even though recent changes to the law make it easier to deal with their kind, they often will continue to operate below our radar. Luckily, we have means.

Applying terror can be a fine way to get results. By "terror" I do not mean the use of bombs and spectacular, awesome, shocking displays of destruction and stuff like that. I mean simply good old fashioned frightening of people. So how do you frighten a gaggle of smug Cassandras who have no respect for the sanctity of the American System?

What you do is: Arrest Seymour Hersh for making secret classified material available to The Enemy in his various New Yorker pieces. Put him in jail - regretfully, sadly, without bail, but this is a national security matter and all.  Mr. Hersh need not remain detained indefinitely. Only for a few months.  Or for the duration of The Emergency, say - however long that is.

Also apologize repeatedly to the American people about how Judith Miller and Dan Rather got off so lightly, and make a promise that it will never happen again.

After Sy Hersh spends a little time in a Halliburton Hilton, the rest of the gang will shut up and fast.  All except that damnable Gore Vidal. Who does he think he is?

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- By Anonymous Anonymous, at Fri Nov 30, 05:06:00 PM GMT  

Thanks for the comments. And, yes, Mrs. Van Heusen, menwholooklikeoldlesbians is a fine website, where I have spent many hours looking for a picture of Geddy Lee - but to no avail.

- By Blogger Neal Romanek, at Sat Dec 01, 07:57:00 AM GMT  


- By Anonymous Anonymous, at Mon Dec 10, 06:02:00 PM GMT  


- By Blogger Neal Romanek, at Mon Dec 10, 06:29:00 PM GMT  

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