Okay, We'll Take Romanek...

I thought I didn't dig team sports because I was above it all. I thought I avoided getting pulled into the hysteria of US vs. THEM, MY Team vs. YOUR Team, because of my moral superiority. Maybe due to the unresolved trauma of always being the next to last kid picked for the kickball team? I had many theories. But I never really knew, for certain, why - until last night.

I see now, all too clearly, that it is my own emotional weakness that has made me withdraw from sports fandom.

I am the world's worst USC fan. I haven't watched a single USC game this year. And my freshman year, I missed my first USC/UCLA game because I was too drunk to be let into the Coliseum (I am one of the few people in America actually turned away from a college football game for being too drunk. I count this as one of my proudest college moments). I haven't seen the grass/turf of a football field, in person, for a decade.

When I was a kid, I consumed "Wide World Of Sports" rabidly. I watched all the Olympics I could get my hands on (my Nadia Comaneci crush continues until this day). I saw every bowl game. But as the years went on, I became more and more disinterested. My attitude toward sporting events (team sports primarily - I still enjoyed sumo and boxing and the marathon) cooled and cooled.

I understand now that what I was avoiding all those years was PAIN. Who knew? I have avoided team sports because I just can't take the stress and anxiety and PAIN of being emotionally invested in a team that might not win. It's not that I'm too grown-up to watch sports, it's that I'm too damned immature! I can't bear losing. Can't stand it.

I listened to the USC/Texas game last night, confident in - excitedly anticipating - a USC win. And...

And...

And they didn't win.

And I was crushed.

And I still am crushed.

I am angry, and sad, and crushed. I do not expect to be uncrushed anytime soon.

This confirms however that I've been doing the right thing. I will continue to avoid sporting events in the future. I lack the fortitude to do this more than once every couple years.

Jesus, how do you Red Sox fans do it!?