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Monday, March 06, 2006

Oscars Day After

The day after attending the Oscars, one feels literally like one has been through a war. One has deep psychological wounds which will never be healed. One is alienated from those one once called family and friends. And one feels a profound uncleaniness deep in one's heart that cannot be expunged by all the Seven Seas, nor sweetened by all the perfumes in Arabia. One knows that one has killed another man and that one has taken on forever the mark of Cain.

Or maybe it's not so much like one feels like one has been in a war, literally, but more like...like as if one has been to a big awards show.

Yes. That's how I feel today, looking back on being on the ground at the big ol' Oscars show last night. I feel almost as if I had literally attended a big awards show.

My 78th Oscar Ceremony striking and fond reminiscences:

1. ) Not sitting with the mega-stars, but instead sitting with the Academy Governors and the sound and costume and documentary and visual fx people cuz they're the coolest anyway and who wants to sit next to Steven Spielberg and Nicole Kidman and Lauren Bacall?

2.) Bafflement at the brilliant Meryl Streep's and the brilliant Lily Tomlin's overlapping dialog tribute to Robert Altman. I wavered between "What the hell are you guys doing?" to "Oh, I get it" then quickly back to "What the hell are you guys doing?" But maybe it played okay on tv.

3.) Satisfaction that I am taller than wife's heartthrob, Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

4.) My wife catching me staring at Zhang Ziyi. The two of them fought - you probably saw it on tv. Their battle began in the bar area then went upstairs, then spilled out into the theater itself, finally ending onstage with Ziyi conceding that my wife had won this round, but that the fight was not over. My wife's preferred weapon is the claymore (Scottish, you see), but after Ziyi disarmed her early on, my wife was forced to employ falchion and club with which she has little real combat experience. Ziyi pressed her advantage, wielding her favorite Chinese longsword and razor sharp flying steel disc inscribed with mystical patterns. But at last, my wife turned the tide by knocking the Chinese movie star upside the head with Ang Lee's Best Director Oscar.

5.) At the bar, $3.00 for a small glass of H2O sin gas.

6.) Sudden exclamation popping out of my mouth: "Wow, they just can't keep Mickey Rooney away from these things!"

7.) Sudden panic that security had let in a wild maniac from some nearby seedy Hollywood nightclub. Relief when I realized it was only Harvey Weinstein.

8.) Awesome realization of just how gigantic Uma Thurman is. I felt like a tiny ape from a distant foggy isle, and I wondered if she would try to scale the Kodak theater with me secreted in her palm. And if so, would the police security choppers try to shoot her down or would she make it safely to the sea and take me away on her mighty clamshell boat?

9.) Eating an omelette and french fries w/brown gravy at House of Pies with my brother, mum and wife after the show.

10.) Removing shoes, taking hot shower with wife, falling into bed.

For more tales of the Oscars, check out Warren Hsu Leonard's Oscar 2006 Recap.

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